When is the last time you truly broke-down?
A moment you finally realized that you have been barely coping for longer then you realized. You finally feel the weight of the chaos, tightness, and overwhelm that you have been experiencing.
Like waking from a deep sleep, you feel disconnected from your self and in a daze, but aware that you have just woken into the here and now.
And everything inside of you just wants to go back to sleep.
Because sleep would mean that you do not have to feel the full weight and pain you are experiencing in this moment of awakening
My most recent breaking point- during a time of transition in my life- shattered my mind, body, and heart open. Exposed and raw, I thought I could never be put back together again.
I woke up one morning- in my broken state- and could not move the entire left side of my upper body, including my left arm. It felt as if I was being squeezed, and the tightness was unbearable. A visit to my Western Doctor reassured me that I was okay, however the full weight of my stress was clearly running its course within my body.
The pain I was experiencing literally stopped me from going into my normal pattern of over-functioning through a difficult time. All I could do is sit with the pain, and acknowledge my heart-ache.
It was saying as clearly as I needed to hear it "Love- you need to sit with this one. Your heart is broken. You are dangerously far from yourself. I am here. You belong here. Sit with me. Nurture me. Be with me.
And so I did.
Once I accepted my breaking-point, I found it easier to develop self-compassion.
And although at times I felt angry, anxious, sad, and overwhelmed, I always somehow returned to knowing that acceptance and compassion was where I needed to rest. And with the help and guidance of my village, and my Healers, I was guided back onto my journey. Slowly, ever so slowly, I began my journey back to myself.
It is humbling to sit beside fellow women who are experiencing such breathtaking breaking-points along their own journeys.
It reminds me that my experiences, and humanness, can allow us to gather, connect and grow from our stories. It also reminds me of the resilience of the human-heart.
Dear fellow-traveler on the journey towards wellness-
Have you found yourself in such a place where you have realized that you are barely coping? Do you feel as if you are further from your 'self' then ever before? Listen closely- what is your body telling you? Where is your pain and ache resting? Where do your thoughts wander when you are still? Do you feel like you are alone?
What would happen if you could settle in, and accept this place?
What would happen if self-compassion could meet you in this place?
What may be keeping you in this place? Holding you captive here.
What would happen if you moved into a new place?
What would happen if you knew you were not alone?
A little note about things I love that help me with acceptance and & compassion-