This weekend I was whisked-off into a my daughter's world as we found ourselves at an out-of-town dance competition. It was a full-blown immersion into the thrills and perils of the dance-world. My mind spun around- tossing and turning- all weekend. It was a tiring and blissful roller-coaster of emotions. And it was worth its weight in gold.
As I sat at my computer this Monday morning my mind was distracted. I starred blankly at the projects and tasks I had set out for myself. They just seemed so lacklustre against the backdrop of the weekend. I was coming off a adrenaline rush, and my life was not giving me the same 'zest' it usually did.
No matter how hard I tried to stay mindful and focused, my mind looped back to my daughter, the weekend, her future, the shiny lights of the dance stage, and the shadowy-world that lurked behind the stage.
I paused. Annoyed and Frustrated.
Why couldn't I bring myself to focus and get excited about MY life again. I breathed deeply and asked myself "Michelle, where did you go? Why doesn't this excite you anymore? What is wrong with you?"
Then I was interrupted by my compassionate-self.
And I remembered how vulnerable all woman are to being swept up into their children's worlds. Especially in this over-functioning, complex, and high-achieving culture.
I remembered that my own mom completely lost herself in motherhood. A beautiful sacrifice. But one that has left open-wounds and scars on her own womanhood.
I remembered that I sit with mom's everyday who struggle to balance their lives with those of their children and family.
I closed my eyes, softening around the contraction I had found within my mind. And I anchored myself with these simple words:
You are important. You belong here
Motherhood challenges us everyday to surrender and grow alongside our children. And to remember we are important too. We can easily be swept into the abyss of selfless parenting. We can forget to work on ourselves. We can become charmed by the alluring misstep of living through our children. We all just want to belong, and it is easy to escape into belonging through our children.
It is all so easy to get lost. To forget to return to ourselves. And to remember how to belong alongside our children.
And so began my journey that morning back to myself. Nope. It wasn't a bright and shiny stage of excitement. And Nope. Nobody handed me a shiny medal when I was done my work. But it was my life. And it is important. Because I belong here.